


The hardest thing

by FreckledYamaguchi



Category: Haikyuu!!
Genre: Angst, Boys Kissing, Cancer, Established Relationship, First chapter is long af bc I apologize, Fluff, Fluff and Angst, Fluff and Hurt/Comfort, Gen, Graphic Description, HQ Rarepair Week, Hurt/Comfort, I AM SORRY, I APOLOGIZE, I Don't Even Know, I Wrote This Instead of Sleeping, I'm Sorry, Kissing, Poor birbs, Rare Pairings, Romantic Fluff, Sad, Sick Character, Sickfic, Terminal Illnesses, Vomiting, What Was I Thinking?, Why Did I Write This?, rarepair, sad but fluffy, sugayama - Freeform
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2016-11-02
Updated: 2016-12-02
Packaged: 2018-08-28 16:37:56
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 4
Words: 13,101
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/8453806
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/FreckledYamaguchi/pseuds/FreckledYamaguchi
Summary: Sugawara and Yamaguchi has been dating for a while, one gets sick and now they gotta deal with it together.(I can't summaries. ;-;) also idk how frequent updates will be





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> Hello  
> I apologize in advance  
> Poor birbs ;-;  
> Also this is based on an rp with a friend and I edited it quickly, gonna go back over it again sometime.  
> For now please enjoy and feedback is very needed and appreciated  
> Enjoy :D

  
Suga sighed as he put his notebooks on his locker. He was tired from all the classes and studying and was more than ready to go home. After Yamaguchi took what he needed from his locker and was ready to leave, he walked over to suga seeing him by his locker. 

"want to come over?" He said quietly. 

Suga looked back and saw yamaguchi smiling lightly 

"Oh, hey yams! Sure, I don't have homework so, I guess I can come over" he said and shot him a warm smile.

"let's go then!" Yamaguchi smiled back and said. shyly reaching for suga's hand when he saw no one around, blushing slightly.

They were dating but Yamaguchi still couldn't help feeling a bit nervous and giddy when holding hands or with any sort of PDA.

Suga quickly grabbed his hand back intertwining their fingers. Suga him had no problem showing affection in public. 

"how was your day?" He asked. 

Yamaguchi couldn't help smiling slightly as suga intertwined their fingers. 

"it was okay, sort of exhausting but okay." He said with a sigh. 

He leaned on suga slightly, once they were out of the school and on their way.

"I believe you. With finals coming and the club, we had barely any time to be together" the older said with a little sigh as they kept walking. 

"yeah, that's why I asked you to come over, we need to recharge" Yamaguchi said with a smile lightly squeezing suga's hand. 

Suga chuckled and kissed yamaguchi's knuckles, Yamaguchi blushing as he did so. 

"You are totally right. Does it mean I can stay over the night ?" Suga asked. 

“sure!” Yamaguchi replied. 

Suga smiled again as they walked down the street, enjoying yamaguchi's company. Soon they were at Yamaguchi's house. As they entered he noticed a note by the door as his mom always leaves if she goes out. "Apparently we're home alone for the weekend, parents got an emergency business trip” He said turning to suga after reading it quickly. 

"Then I'll stay with you. I don't want you to stay alone" Suga rubbed the back of his head and said protectively, as he removed his shoes and put down his bag. 

"You know you don't have to, right? I've stayed alone plenty of times” Yamaguchi said even though he wanted Suga to stay. 

"I know but still " Suga smiled "I rather stay with you and make sure you're okay. Besides I've nothing planned this weekend " He said and walked to Yamaguchi. 

"Okay then, thank you and welcome to my humble home, I guess.. " Yamaguchi said with a shy smile rubbing the back of his neck.

"Thank you" Suga said and kissed Yamaguchi's cheek. 

Yamaguchi blushed but turned his head kissing suga's lips. Suga smiled as he touched yamaguchi's lips, slowly kissing him back while Yamaguchi wrapped his arms around his neck. As they continued the soft kiss Suga put his hands on Yamaguchi's hips bringing him closer to his body, moving their mouths against each other, while flushing their bodies together. 

Even if Yamaguchi was a bit taller than Suga, Suga was always able to kiss his boyfriend with no problem. 

After a bit, Yamaguchi pulled back slightly to breath, smiling and blushing at suga.

"You are adorable" Suga said and squeezed Yamaguchi's cheeks with a smile. 

"Shush" Yamaguchi said blushing even more and pecking suga's lips. 

"c'mon let's make some diner” Suga said, quickly wrapping his arms around Yamaguchi while chuckling. 

Yamaguchi chuckled as well pulling suga to the kitchen twirling him around with a giggle just because. Suga smiled brightly loving to see his boyfriend happy. 

"So what would you like to eat babe?" Yamaguchi asked with a smile. 

"Hmm chicken and rice?" Suga replied, before opening the cabinets. "Do you want me to help you ?" he continued.

"No, thank you. " Yamaguchi said leading Suga to sit on the counter. "Such angelic creatures like yourself shouldn't do such things, leave it to me." He said with a smile. 

He was aware he was being grossly fluffy but he missed being with his boyfriend, he was gonna be too fluffy or kinky no in between. 

Suga chuckled and sat down on the chair. 

"I am not but thank you love that's really cute of you" he said and smiled resting his head on his hands watching Yamaguchi. 

Yamaguchi put on his mom's strawberry patterned apron and got to work. After a good hour of stumbling clumsily around the kitchen, Yamaguchi successfully (if you ignore the mess the kitchen became) made two plates of chicken and rice and set them in front of suga, sitting across from him.

"It really smells good yamaguchi-kun" Suga said and smiled "Thanks for the food" he added before taking a piece of chicken.

"I hope you like it" Yamaguchi said scratching the back of his neck blushing slightly "also please drop the - kun or I'll have to start calling you suga-san again" he said with a light chuckle.

"I'm sorry, I'm just used to it" Suga said with an embarrassed chuckle. "and yes it really tastes good" he added taking a piece of rice. 

"I'm glad" Yamaguchi just smiled resting his head on his arms watching suga. 

Suga happily ate before looking at Yamaguchi. 

"Aren't you going to eat ?" He asked confused.

"Not really hungry..." Yamaguchi mumbled in reply. 

"Why is something wrong ?" Suga asked getting concerned. 

"no, just not that hungry" Yamaguchi said with a smile to reassure his concerned boyfriend.

"Hm" Suga said and gave him a look "But you should eat tho, at least something." 

Yamaguchi nodded and started eating, still barely finishing 1/4 of his plate, as suga watched him carefully. 

"Are you feeling well? You're a bit pale.” Suga asked Yamaguchi eyeing him closely. 

"I am, don't you worry" Yamaguchi said with a smile. 

Suga sighed not believing his boyfriend, so he kept eating and watching yamaguchi carefully. 

"if I wasn't feeling well, you'd be the first person to know" Yamaguchi said, knowing suga still didn't believe him.

"I know I know" Suga quickly said looking down at his food "I'm just concerned about you "

"Don't be, dear" Yamaguchi said reaching for suga's chin making him look at him "I'm perfectly fine" he smiled again with the words, even though he knew he knew he was lying even to himself. 

Suga looked at him and pecked his lips. "if you ever feel bad tell me okay ? I want to be able to take care of you " He said on a serious tone. 

Yamaguchi nodded, feeling the guilt already twist his insides, still he wouldn't tell suga, he wouldn't be able to do anything about it anyway. Suga gave him a smile trying to believe on yams words as he stood up and started to put the dishes on the sink.Yamaguchi smiled back as he stood up as well, storing the remainder of the food in the fridge.

"Should we watch a movie ?" Suga asked wanting to relax and stop the tension between them.

"good idea!!" Yamaguchi said before beaming at Suga "Disney?" he whispered with a little embarrassed smile and Suga chuckled. 

"Of course. I don't mind watching the little mermaid again" Suga said with a smile. 

"Caramel or cheese?" Yamaguchi asked already turning around to make popcorn. 

"Cheese" Suga said as he started to watch the dishes. 

Yamaguchi nodded and started to prepare the popcorn. As he left the popcorn to pop he quickly excused himself to the bathroom, hoping suga doesn't sense anything and follow him. Fortunately for Yamaguchi right now Suga was still busy with the dishes to notice his behavior. 

Yamaguchi locked the bathroom door on himself before once again doubling over in pain over the toilet bowl.

Once Suga was finished he looked around and saw that Yamaguchi wasn't there yet. He sighed and walked to the bathroom. 

"yamaguchi! Are you okay?" Suga called, but Yamaguchi was coughing badly while clutching his stomach, he didn't hear him. 

"Yamaguchi?" Suga called again, concerned trying to open the door as he heard yams coughing. "yams please open up!" 

"No... I'm fine..." Yamaguchi choked out before he started violently throwing up.

"Yams!" Suga said desperately trying to open the door, stress washing all over him.

Even if Yamaguchi wanted to open the door for Suga, which he didn't, it was impossible for him to do that now, as he was violently throwing up the contents of his stomach into the toilet. "Yamaguchi!" Suga said slamming the door violently with his body, hurting himself, but right now all he wanted was to open the door. 

Yamaguchi thought he had stopped throwing up, so he feebly opened the door for suga despite how pathetic he looked. Immediately after, he clutched his hands over his mouth trying to reach the toilet as he felt bile rising up his throat again.

Suga watched him, fear all over his face as he quickly went to him and tries to help him "breath, try to breath."

Yamaguchi was throwing up violently again, his hair sticking to his face and his eyes tearing up from the force of it. He internally cursed himself. Pathetic. He looked utterly pathetic in front of his boyfriend. 

Suga grabbed Yamaguchi's hair, rubbing his backs gently "hush.." He said calmly "breath.. "

Yamaguchi was sure he almost started sobbing but was stopped by the fact that he couldn't breathe. After a while when he was sure his organs were ready to follow everything he ate that day, he stopped throwing up and was just coughing as tears streamed down his face.

Suga grabbed a towel and cleaned Yamaguchi's face and mouth, before hugging him gently, his own body shaking. 

"Hey hey.. calm down.. It's okay " He whispered to him. 

Yamaguchi was now crying breathlessly as suga hugged him. "no... It's not.." he choked out. 

Suga looked at him almost crying as well "I-I I'll take you to the hospital and you will get better " he said trying to comfort him. 

"no...there's nothing you can do" Yamaguchi choked out, breaking into more sobs. "I'm pathetic.." He sobbed. 

"You are not pathetic " Suga said grabbing Yamaguchi's cheeks "tell me what's wrong" He said gently. 

"you will hate me.." Yamaguchi sobbed.

"I could never hate you " Suga said seriously starting to worry more. 

 

Yamaguchi sobbed even more in suga's hands before gathering enough strength to speak. 

"Right after we started dating... I got a really bad stomachache, I was feeling nauseous and lightheaded.. I thought it was just a bad fever... At one point I passed out and was taken to the ER..." He said avoiding suga's eyes. 

Suga heard him carefully his heart beating fast "Yes?.. What happened next? What they say in the ER?" He asked nervously. 

"They didn't tell me personally because according to them I couldn't handle it... But I knew later..and there's nothing I could fucking do" Yamaguchi sobbed violently again almost screaming "stomachcancer" he said in a single breath as if the two words burned. 

Suga felt his heart break when he heard yamaguchi. Tears rolling down his cheek unconsciously.

"H-how bad is it? What did they said about it? A-are you going to get some sort of therapy? You will right?" He asked not believing what he heard. 

"S-still moderate... But it's not stopping..." Yamaguchi sobbed "what's the point of therapy? It's success rate isn't even that high.. No suga... It's not worth it..." He sobbed brokenly.

"Listen to me!" Suga said half serious half crying "you are going to get the therapy and take all the medications that they gave you! I'll pay you for you to a private clinic if I have to!" Suga said almost yelling "I can't lose you!" 

"See I told you I'm pathetic... It's not worth it sugawara... It's horrible... Fucking horrible! Do you think I gave up this easily?... Do you think I want this? I DON'T!! But I'm already pathetic enough... Can't you see!!" he was yelling and sobbing brokenly "it hurts koushi… it always does...” 

Suga grabbed him again hugging him tightly as he cried. He could believe it and he wouldn't accept it "you are worth it.. You are the most beautiful and pure person I've ever known and I love you Tadashi. I won't let you die.. I rather die myself" Suga said before looking at him "please.. Please fight this with me"

"it hurts koushi... Either way it does... I'm tired... " Yamaguchi whispered in suga's shoulder.

"Shh it's okay" Suga said and ran a hand through Yamaguchi's hair, making himself stop crying to be able to help Yamaguchi. "I know it does.. But I also know that you are stronger than you think. I believe in you. I always did"

"I'll make it past high school either way... You'll forget about me after that and I will be gone. Why just more pain?" Yamaguchi sobbed. 

"Yamaguchi listen to me" Suga said on a serious tone "I'm planing on going to college with you. To have cats with you. To marry you. So it doesn't matter how hard it will be, we will fight this. I'll never give up on you" 

Yamaguchi just sobbed violently in suga's chest not able to believe what he was saying. Was it out of pity? That'd be no surprise since he's already pathetic, his mind convinced him so.

"I love you so much.." Suga said hugging Yamaguchi tightly letting him cry and free himself from his emotions “so so much.” 

Yamaguchi continued crying till he was out of tears and felt his body go limp in suga's arms. 

"I'm tired..." He whispered hoarsely.

Suga nodded and stood up picking him up before walking to the bedroom laying him on the bed gently. Yamaguchi weakly pulled on suga's arm. 

"come here.."  he whispered, he needed suga with him.

Suga laid down with Yamaguchi wrapping his asks around his body.Yamaguchi drowned in his lover's arms, sticking as close to him as possible.

Suga rubbed Yamaguchi's back softly "when you went to the hospital, they gave you medication and chemotherapy right?" Suga asked gently. 

Yamaguchi nodded briefly. 

"We will get that straight tomorrow then" Suga said and kissed yamaguchi's forehead "sleep now " he whispered. 

Yamaguchi hid his face in suga's neck nodding.  

"I love you..."Yamaguchi whispered. 

"I love you too" Suga whispered back and kissed Yamaguchi's cheek. 

 

For the first time in a long time, both of them slept almost peacefully, Yamaguchi occasionally tightening his arms around suga when either his dreams or the pain increased in his sleep, Yamaguchi's touch and scent being enough to calm suga down despite the stress. 

 

Yamaguchi woke up the next day with the same restlessness as always, only calming down when suga tightened his arms around him in his sleep. 

Suga slowly woke up as well, rubbing his face on yams neck before opening his eyes. 

"hey.. Morning" He whispered. 

"Morning" Yamaguchi murmured back, snuggling into suga. Suga smiled holding the boy close lazily, his hand running through yamaguchi's hair, and Yamaguchi relaxed into the feeling a small smile making its way onto his lips. 

"How did you sleep?" Suga asked Yamaguchi looking at him with a little smile. 

"better than most nights" Yamaguchi said with a smile.

Suga leaned down and pecked his lips "that's good. " 

Yamaguchi pecked suga's lips back. "thank you.." he whispered. 

"For what ?" Suga asked a bit confused. 

"yesterday.." Yamaguchi said not meeting suga's eyes. 

Suga smiled a bit grabbing Yamaguchi's hands and kissing his knuckles. 

"you don't need to thank me. I'm your boyfriend and I'll always care for you and love you " he whispered reassuringly. 

"Still... You shouldn't have seen me like that... I invited you over for us to have a good time... Not for you to deal with  _ this _ " Yamaguchi said, his voice laced with a hint of disgust at himself.

"I know" Suga murmured but then added "And we will spend good time together and at the same time I'll help you through this. "

"you shouldn't koushi..." Yamaguchi whispered voice shaking the slightest bit .

Suga ran a hand on Yamaguchi's cheek "of course I should. You mine aren't you? I have to protect what I love. So I'll stay here next to you, and make sure you have the time of your life and that you get better " he said with a smile. 

"you could be doing so much more... Why limit yourself with a sick... needy... worthless... being " Yamaguchi murmured voice shaking more. 

"Because I love you" Suga said with a frown "do you really think I would abandon the person I love just because they're sick ?" 

Yamaguchi broke, sobbing again.

"They're not just sick... They're dying koushi!" Yamaguchi almost yelled at suga before quieting down again "they're dying... And they'll remain sick till they die..." He choked on his words sobbing quietly.

Suga looked at him with wide eyes, but then looked down sadly hugging him again. 

"I refuse to accept that you will die.. I know you are strong enough and that you can get through it.” he said. 

"I'm gonna die koushi... Sooner or later... I'll die of this koushi" Yamaguchi sobbed in suga's chest. 

he's always known and came to accept the fact that he'll die of cancer, but saying out loud and especially to suga hit him hard. 

Suga felt too numb and was denying it "That's not true. With the right treatment you can get better.” 

"what if.. After all that, I am still very likely to die.. Why do you think everyone gave up on me... I'm a hopeless case suga.. So I just refused treatment in all.” Yamaguchi said brokenly. 

Suga frowned "We will never know if you don't try it! And even if you die.." Suga said tears rolling down his cheeks "then I want to be with you during the most time possible ! And that only will happen if you get some sort of treatment "

Yamaguchi sobbed as well. "I tried... It's horrible koushi... It is..." He sobbed in suga's chest "if I'm gonna die anyway… I want to die without just more pain”  

"But I don't want you to die" Suga said crying again "what am I going to do without you?" 

Yamaguchi buried his face in suga's chest crying and screaming. This was too much. Too much for him. Suga shouldn't have even known.

Suga hugged him tightly against his chest  letting him cry as he cried too "I k-know it's s-selfish but please .. Please get the treatment." he whispered to Yamaguchi. 

Yamaguchi stayed quiet till he calmed down a bit. "it's not just chemo... That's just the start... Then probably surgery...And maybe more chemo..." He whispered brokenly. 

"Then do it" Suga said trying to calm himself. "I'll help you and stay by your side." 

Yamaguchi looked up at him. "it'll be very fucking hard..." Yamaguchi cursed even though he wasn't usually the type to. "But I'll do it... I'll try… For you before myself." Yamaguchi said with every ounce of determination he could show in the mess of a state that he was in. 

Suga pressed kisses all over yamaguchi's face "thank you.. I love you so much, you know that right? I'll do anything for you.” 

"I love you too” Yamaguchi said with a sad smile relaxing once more in suga's embrace. 

 

Yamaguchi decided he will try. It's not like he wanted to die at his own will, and he now has suga. 

 

Suga rubbed his face and sighed keeping his boyfriend close like his life depended on. They remained in each other's embrace again melting into each other.

"I still want to see the movie" Suga said sniffling and chuckling a bit wanting to break the tension once again. 

"Then we shall see it" Yamaguchi said with a grin.

Suga smiled and leaned in catching Yamaguchi's lips for a kiss. Yamaguchi kissed him back blushing a little. 

They shared a slow and gentle kiss, their mouths moving against each other, as Yamaguchi wrapped his arms around suga's neck pulling him closer. Slowly Suga started to deepen the kiss, nibbling at Yamaguchi's bottom lip and Yamaguchi parted his lips slightly, playing with the small hairs at the back of suga's neck.  Suga slowly pushed his tongue inside Yamaguchi's mouth, Yamaguchi welcoming suga's tongue, pulling their bodies close against each other. One of suga's hands went to Yamaguchi's waist, pulling him closer, as his tongue explored his lover's mouth. Yamaguchi moved his tongue against suga's, blushing deeply at how intimate all this was, melting under suga's touch.

Suga pulled away softly after some time. "I love you Tadashi" he whispered against Yamaguchi's lips. 

"I love you too koushi." Yamaguchi whispered back while trying to calm his uncontrollably blushing face. 

Suga smiled as he saw Yamaguchi's blush. 

"you're really cute when you're all flustered" he said with a giggle. 

Yamaguchi pecked suga's lips once more before chuckling, pulling away from suga, embarrassed.

"I'll get the movie, you get the popcorn" he said grabbing pillows and blankets and heading to the living room. 

Suga nodded happily and stood up, happily going to the kitchen. 

 

Soon enough Yamaguchi had the movie on and paused waiting for suga. Suga came with a bowl of popcorn and some water and sat down next to Yamaguchi. Yamaguchi smiled starting the movie and draping a blanket over them for extra coziness. Suga wrapped an arm around Yamaguchi. 

"what movie are we watching?" Suga asked with a smile. 

"The little mermaid" Yamaguchi said with a little childish grin. 

Suga giggled "I'm always okay with that one "

"it's great" Yamaguchi said snuggling into suga. 

They watched the movie snuggled close together giggling and making comments here and there till the movie ended with them wrapped in each other's arms contentedly. 

Suga ate the last popcorn. "I will always love Sebastian" he said with a little giggle. 

"you always will." Yamaguchi said giggling as well, pecking suga's cheek.

"True " he smile and looked at Yamaguchi with a lovely smile, Yamaguchi returning it with one of his own. 


	2. Chapter 2

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> this took me 2 days to copy from the rp and was edited by my awesome friend because I was dead and their editing is better than all my writing :'D  
> please enjoy :D

Yamaguchi was serenely cuddling with Suga when his phone rang. He excused himself from between his boyfriend's arms to answer the call, stepping into another room. Suga watched him go away before sighing, thinking that it was probably his mother. 

And, indeed, it was Yamaguchi's mother.

"Yes mom, I'm fine... No I'm not alone... A friend is staying with me... No not Kei... " he answered all his mother's questions before going quiet for a moment.

"No he didn't know before, but he does now... Yeah, it happened." Yamaguchi took his time answering her questions, sort of dreading what he wanted to tell her.

He needed Suga by his side. But, at the same time, he didn't want to bother him, or make him deal with his shit again.

Suga started out waiting for Yamaguchi patiently, but eventually, he stood up and went to the kitchen. After a minute of searching, he found Yams' diagnostic and meds. He grabbed them and read them carefully.

Yamaguchi ended the phone call with his mother awkwardly, once again being unable to muster up the courage to tell her what he wanted to.

He walked back to find Suga, in the kitchen with his medication. Suga didn't notice him at first, continuing to read.

"What... are you... doing..?" Yamaguchi asked tentatively.

Suga jumped as he heard Yams speak. "Jeez Yama, you scared me!" He laughed awkwardly, putting the papers down. "I was just reading these."

"But why?" Yamaguchi asked in a cold voice.

Suga looked at him a bit confused. "Because I care about you and I wanted to see your diagnostic? It's a normal thing."

Yamaguchi couldn't help getting defensive, he never let anyone see those papers. He sighed slowly, closing his eyes.

Suga sighed back "Look, there are some nice institutes that your doctor suggested. We should pay them a visit. "

"Maybe..." Yamaguchi said, walking back to the living room and slumping down on the couch.

"Yamaguchi," Suga asked, going after him "What's wrong now?"

"Nothing." Yamaguchi said, leaning back on the couch with his eyes closed. He didn't open them to look at his boyfriend.

Suga walked to him and kneeled before him "Please, Yams, tell me what's wrong."

"Nothing." Yamaguchi repeated. "I'm fine."

"Stop lying to me, please." Suga said with a sigh.

"A bit dizzy... Just the usual" Yamaguchi amended.

"I'll go get your meds, then" Suga said, and stood up to go to the kitchen.

"No," Yamaguchi said "I'll be fine."

Suga didn't listen, and went to get them and a glass of water anyway, coming back to sit  in front of Tadashi once again. "Here."

"No, I'll be fine in a bit." Yamaguchi protested.

"Yamaguchi" Suga said on a serious tone, "You need to take your medication."

"Those won't help." Yamaguchi stated. "They just deal with the side effects.”

"If the doctor said you needed to take them, then please, take them." Suga begged, making eye contact with the boy  "They won't do anything." Yamaguchi protested agsin. He knew that he needed to, but he just wouldn't.

"You said to me yesterday that you would do it," Suga said desperately  "Please, take them."

"I'm scared, Suga..." Yamaguchi whispered almost inaudibly.

"I know..." Suga whispered back empathetically, sitting down next to him. "But, you know I'm here with you." Yamaguchi leaned back with his eyes closed again, hoping the dizziness would just go. "But that's why..."

"That's why?" Suga asked, raising an eyebrow. "Are you embarrassed because I'm here?"

"I don't want yesterday to happen again." Yamaguchi said, quietly. "You know, when I'm alone... I just sort of ride it out."

"Listen, I'm your boyfriend, right? So I'd rather be with you when those things happen, so I can hold you." Suga said, keeping the glass and pill extended toward Yams. "But-" Yamaguchi started to argue, but he knew Suga was right. "But nothing. Now take them" Suga cut him off, steely gaze boring into Yamaguchi.

Yamaguchi opened his eyes slowly, clutching Suga's hand as he lost his balance despite being sat down. When he shakily regained his balance a moment later, he gingerly took the pills from Suga. Suga got closer to him, helping him swallow his pills. Yamaguchi drowned them down with water, squeezing Suga's hand tighter. Suga helped him, before putting the glass back down. "See? That wasn't so hard, now was it?"

"What's hard is still coming..." Yamaguchi said showing Suga the prescription. "Take two tablet before each meal" the text read. Now, Yama had to eat.

"Then I'll make you something to eat, something light. I'll see what kinda of foods your doctor recommended." Suga said with a smile. Yamaguchi nodded briefly before leaning backwards again, still dizzy. Suga kissed his forehead and stood up, heading to the kitchen to grab the doctor's papers again. Yamaguchi smiled weakly, waiting for Suga. He was very thankful for his motherly boyfriend.

After reading the papers, Suga filled another glass with water before preparing some light toast. Once he got them on a plate, he went back to Yamaguchi. "Here you go. Your stomach can probably handle this."

Yamaguchi nodded, pecking suga's cheek thankfully and starting to eat cautiously. "Eat slowly and take lots of pauses." Suga said, sitting back against the couch. "Yes mom, and I'll chew my food well." Yamaguchi teased with a smile, pecking Suga's cheek.

Suga chuckled, glad that yams was still joking. "Good kid."

Yamaguchi did as Suga commanded though, eating slowly and taking pauses. Even though he didn't feel like eating and his body was already protesting, he managed to eat most of what Suga had made before refusing to continue. Suga rubbed Yams' back.

"Good, you ate almost everything." Suga said with a smile.

"Anymore and it wouldn't have ended well." Yamaguchi stated, leaning on Suga. "I know." Suga said, hugging him. "That's why you need to follow the diet the doctor gave, it'll help."

"That's from when it first started, but okay." Yamaguchi said, hugging back. Suga kissed Yams' cheek.

"We should do something you like." He stated softly.

Yamaguchi blushed slightly and nodded.

"Anything you want" Suga said with a smile "I want you to take some time "

"...Let's go for a walk." Yamaguchi said, after a few moments had passed. Suga smiled widely.

"Let's go, then." He said, and stood up, grabbing Yamaguchi's hands. Yamaguchi stood up as well, pecking Suga's lips.

"Let's go." He repeated with a smile. Suga smiled back, grabbed Yams' hand, and walked to the door.

After Yamaguchi grabbed his keys, they left the house hand in hand. Suga had a smile on his face as they walked.

"Wanna go somewhere? Maybe the park?" The gray haired teen inquired.

"That sounds nice." Yamaguchi replied. Suga smiled, and kissed Yamaguchi's cheek.

Yamaguchi smiled, blushing.

"You are adorable " Suga said with a happy sigh. Yamaguchi lightly elbowed Suga, before leaning on him as they continued walking.

"Hey Yams," Suga mentioned after some time. "Dies Tsukishima-kun know?"

"No." Yamaguchi replied

"Oh." Suga said, rubbing the back of his neck. "Are you going to tell him ?"

"I don't know, honestly... No one else knows, besides you." Yamaguchi said, looking into the distance.

"Me and your parents, you mean." Suga said, looking at him.

"Yeah."

Suga looked down for a bit. He didn't agree with that, but he knew he needed to support him. "I respect your choice."

"Do you think I should tell him?" Yamaguchi asked, looking ahead.

"Yeah. He is your best friend after all. You don't need to tell all the team for now though." Suga said, and looked at him again. Yamaguchi looked back at Suga, nodding with a blank face.

"He cares about you just a much as I do.. And besides, it's always good having people around." Suga said, smiling to try to cheer the freckled boy up a bit.

"Yeah" Yamaguchi said with a smile, squeezing Suga's hand. 

As they arrived at the park, Suga took a deep breath with a small smile. Yamaguchi smiled as well watching Suga.

"Do you want to sit next to the lake ?" He asked, looking at yams as they walked.

"That... Actually sounds very nice." Yamaguchi said, smiling widely at Suga. Suga smiled. It was one of his favorite spots, since it was calm and discreet. He led Yams to the lake, before sitting on the grass. Yamaguchi sat next to him, leaning on his shoulder with a content smile. The silver haired boy smiled, enjoying the weather as he brushed his thumb on Yams' knuckles. Yamaguchi relaxed into Suga, the warm, serene weather around them helping calm him. Suga lay down on the grass, looking up at Yams.

"Come down here." He said playfully.

Yamaguchi obeyed, and laid down next to Suga. The setter wrapped his arms around Yams gently starting to kiss at his neck.

Yamaguchi's breath hitched slightly, gently blushing, but he relaxed soon afterwards.

But- Suga kept kissing his neck gently and playfully."S-stop it!" Yamaguchi said, blushing madly when Suga didn't stop. Suga pulled away, a bit confused

"Why?"

"Um... Because we're in public?" Yamaguchi said, his face still beet red.

"And? I can't show my boyfriend affection in public?" He asked, smiling.

"Everyone will see! It's embarrassing..."

Suga sighed a bit, but smiled.

"Alright I'm sorry "

"Don't get me wrong... I love it, but I don't know how to react. How would you react if your boyfriend kissed you in front of everyone, Suga?" Yama said, wrapping his arms around his boyfriend.

Suga looked back at Yamaguchi "I-I would love it." He confessed with a blush.

Yamaguchi immediately kissed Suga hard, his face turning beet red. Suga was totally surprised by it, but quickly kissed the boy back, grabbing his waist.

Yamaguchi wrapped his arms around Suga's neck as he kept the kiss going for a bit more. When he pulled away, smiling at Suga, the were both still blushing. Suga his face in Yama's shirt

"I-I wasn't expecting that " Suga said embarrassed, trying to defend himself. Yamaguchi simply ruffled Suga's hair with a smile, as they relaxed again in each other's arms. Suga smiled, breathing in Yama's scent.

"Suga..." Yamaguchi called quietly, breaking the comfortable silence around them.

"Yes?" Suga replied still with closed eyes.

"Should I really do it...?" Yamaguchi asked quietly, looking up at the sky.

"Do what?" Suga asked, a bit confused as he opened his eyes and looked at him.

"Start treatment again..." Yamaguchi said, aware of Suga's eyes on him but still looking up at the sky.

"Yes... Please." Suga said, almost begging, and not hiding his concern.

"It'll be hard..." Yamaguchi said softly.

"I know," Suga said, and sighed. "but I'll be with you through everything." Yamaguchi slipped his hand into Suga's, intertwining their fingers and squeezing lightly.

"How many times do you have to do it each week?" Suga asked

"I don't know yet." Yamaguchi said, closing his eyes. "I still have to check with the doctor again... And tell my parents that I want to start again... You know, they all want me to. But I'm the one who refused."

Suga kissed yams cheek "I'm really proud of you "

"For what?" Yamaguchi asked. "Being pathetic?"

Suga frowned. "No! You're not pathetic! I'm proud because you consented to get treatment again.”

"I am. And I'm honestly still not sure..." Yamaguchi said.

Suga frowned even more. "You're not! Stop saying that when it's not true!"

"It is, though.. " Yamaguchi almost whispered.

Suga groaned, grabbing Yamaguchi's shoulders and pushing him down on the ground. "You are not! Can't you see it? You are the most perfect thing ever!"

"Dying things aren't perfect..." Yamaguchi said, looking away bitterly. Suga bit the inside of his cheek

"You won't be a dying thing if you get the treatment! That's what I need you to do!" The male said, raising his voice a bit.

Yamaguchi closed his eyes again, curling his hands into fists, attempting to calm his breathing as he felt his heart quicken at Suga's tone. He was starting to get overwhelmed.

"I need you to live" Suga said, begging, letting his head fall on Yama's shoulder.

Yamaguchi's chest was tight, making it hard to breath, so he nodded slightly at Suga, not trusting his ability to speak. Suga sighed and sat next to Yams, before hugging his knees and looking at the lake. Yamaguchi sat too, slipping their hands together as they both looked at the lake.

"If you died..." Suga said after some time. "... It would destroy me."

Yamaguchi was taken aback by the words

"I won't..." Yamaguchi whispered, squeezing Suga's hand. Suga nodded and took a deep breath.

"As long as I have the choice I never will..." Yamaguchi whispered almost inaudibly

"Yams?" Suga asked gently. "Is there anything I can do to... to make you feel loved?"

"You always make me feel loved." Yamaguchi said with a smile, squeezing Suga's hand and rubbing his thumb over the back of it. Suga looked at him with sad eyes

"Really? So I'm doing alright?"

"You're doing more than alright" Yamaguchi said with a smile, taking their intertwined hands up to his lips and kissing Suga's knuckles. Suga smiled and looked at him

"I just want to make you happy, so if you ever need something just tell me "

Yamaguchi nodded, leaning against Suga with a smile. Suga pecked his lips and smiled.

"I love you."

Yamaguchi pecked Suga's lips back with a light blush.

"I love you too."

Suga wrapped his arms around him in a hug, Yamaguchi hugging back tightly.

They remained in each other's arms for a while till Yamaguchi broke the silence again.

"Suga..." He called quietly.

"Yes?" Suga asked, opening his eyes.

"How do I tell them?" He asked with his eyes closed.

"Maybe at practice tomorrow? When it ends, if you want, I can gather them." Suga proposed.

"No... The team can wait a bit. I mean my parents, that I want to start treatment again. They should be coming back tomorrow, but if I wait I'll probably crumble in front of them and not say a word."

"I'll be by your side " Suga said looking at him. "I'll help you."

Yamaguchi leaned into Suga appreciatively.

"Should I just call them?" He asked. "They want me to do it, so they'll be happy... but I'm the one that's unsure..."

Suga smiled "I think that would be a good idea."

"Now?" Yamaguchi asked, voice barely above a whisper.

"If you want." Suga said, looking at him.

"Yeah." Yamaguchi said, getting his phone out.

Suga grabbed his free hand tightly as Yamaguchi dialed his mother's, number putting the phone on speaker and looking over at Suga as it rang. Suga gave him a reassuring smile as they waited.

"H-hey mom..." Yamaguchi started when the line picked up.

"Hey darling, is everything alright?" His mother replied from the other side of the line.

"Yeah.. I just wanted to tell you something..." Yamaguchi said, looking at suga again.

Suga gave him a nod and a little smile as he squeezed his hand.

"I was thinking..." Yamaguchi mumbled, trailing off.

"Yes, honey? What were you thinking about?" His mother asked softly.

"You know with what has been happening lately and the... cancer..." He replied, voice shaking the slightest bit.

"Yes ?" She said in a more concerned tone. "Something happened?"

"No.. I was just thinking about... maybe... checking with the doctor again and starting treatment." he said quickly, his voice shaking so badly that the words almost got jumbled together. There was a moment of silence before she spoke again.

"Oh, Tadashi! I'm so happy to hear this!" she said, almost crying. "I-I will make the appointment right away!"

Yamaguchi started crying, throwing himself into Suga's arms emphatically.

Suga quickly hugged him, burying his face into Yama's hair.

"I'll be home Monday. Then we can work out the details, love." The soft voice of Tadashi's mother broke him out of his reverie.

"Thank you..." Yamaguchi choked out after gathering himself slightly.

"I love you " his mother said with a choked out sob. "See you Monday."

"I love you too... See you." Yamaguchi replied with a smile, before ending the call. Suga kissed Yama's cheek.

"I'm so happy for you." He whispered into the other's skin.

Yamaguchi soon calmed down. "Thank you..." Yamaguchi whispered back.

"You don't need to thank me." Suga said with a smile.

"But I want to... I couldn't have mustered up the courage to even think about this all without you." Yamaguchi said, smiling widely at Suga. Suga smiled back and faced him, giving him a soft kiss.

"I'm so proud of you."

Yamaguchi blushed slightly, unable to shake the smile off of his face.  He wouldn't lie, he was very scared and anxious about what was to come after, but he was also slightly relieved that he made such an important decision.

  
  


**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Why have i started getting into too much sad fluff?? I have almost never even written fluff before??  
> Ending on a happy note :D  
> (prepare tho I shall not be trusted)  
> kudos,comments and constructive criticism are as always appreciated


	3. Chapter 3

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Mostly edited by an awesome friend of mine, but last bit mediocrely edited by yours truly at 6am instead of getting ready for school because I wanted to post it.  
> hope you like this little chapter before the anGst. :D  
> And as always, kudos and feedback are always appreciated.

Suga opened his eyes with a little groan as he felt the sunshine brushing against his eyes. He hugged Yamaguchi more, trying to get some comfort. Yamaguchi hugged back in his sleep, peaceful with his head rested on Suga's chest. Suga sighed as he blessed the fact that they didn't have school this Monday. He looked down at sleepy Yama’s face with a smile.

 

 Yamaguchi remained asleep for a while longer, reassured by Suga's arms around him. However, the peace could not last forever; as demonstrated by the moment that Suga started to think about the whole cancer thing again. What if Yams gave up again? Is he going to go bald just like others? Would it hurt? Would he die? He kept asking himself ridiculous questions as he watched the young boy.

 

 Yamaguchi woke up soon after, sleepily smiling at Suga when he realized he was in his arms. Then the boy frowned slightly at the distant look on his boyfriend’s face. "What's up, babe?" Yamaguchi asked, pecking Suga's cheek softly. Suga quickly turned his attention to Yams, and his expression also changed to a smile.

 "Sorry, I didn't notice you were up already."

"It's okay, what were you thinking about?" Yamaguchi asked, snuggling more into Suga.

"Nothing," He said with a smile, not wanting to tell him the truth. "Just about some homework I need to do."

"You said you had no homework..." Yamaguchi said, eying Suga suspiciously.

"Homework for the next week." Suga quickly said with a smile, trying to brush it off.

"Anyway, how did you sleep?" Suga asked quickly.

 "I slept well..."Yamaguchi said softly, a little more lethargic than before. Suga smiled again.

 "That's good." He said, and kissed the boy’s forehead. Yamaguchi smiled.

 "They should be here soon..." He said distantly. Suga sighed.

 "Wanna get up and get some breakfast, then?” He cuts in.

 "Yeah, thank god we don't have school today." The smaller boy chuckled

 "I thought about that when I woke up." Suga said, kissing his boyfriend’s forehead.

 "Okay, let's get up now." Yamaguchi pecked Suga's cheek as they stood themselves up. Grabbing Yama’s cheeks, Suga gave him a kiss.

 "Good morning, by the way." He said softly.

 "Good morning to you too, babe." Yamaguchi said with a smile. Suga smiled back, and pecked his lips again before leading the way to the kitchen. Yamaguchi willingly followed after him.

"So, what do you want for breakfast, love?” He asked, leaning against the counter.

 "Hmm…” Yama thought for a moment. “Toasts? And bacon." He said with a smile.

 "I'll make the coffee." Suga voiced his cooperation, smiling at the improper usage of plural toast.

 "Alright, just know, I like my coffee how I like my men- strong yet sweet." Yamaguchi said, winking at Suga before turning to prepare the food. Suga blushed hard at Yamaguchi's words as he started to prepare the coffee, focusing on getting exactly what Yama wanted. Yamaguchi chuckled lightly as he continued preparing the “toasts” and bacon. "Adorable…" he whispered softly to himself.

"Hm?" Suga asked, not hearing it well as he kept working.

 "Nothing, love." Yamaguchi said with a smile as he continued what he was doing. Suga raised an eyebrow, but let it go as he finished up with the coffee.

"The coffee is done." He said, grabbing two mugs for it.

"So is the food," Yamaguchi said taking the two plates to the kitchen table. "You're _adorable~_ " Yamaguchi whispered as he passed by his monochrome colored boyfriend. This time, Suga heard it, and couldn't help but blush. He put the mugs down.

 "And you are ridiculously attractive.” He whispered back. Yamaguchi pecked Suga's cheek as they sat down. "Thanks, babe." Suga grinned, looking down, and gave Yams his mug of coffee. "Strong and sweet." He stated with finality.

 "Thanks," Yamaguchi, said taking a sip from the coffee. "Mmm… Just like you~" He proclaimed.

 Suga giggled "I'm not _that_ strong."

 "You are, too!" Yamaguchi chirped, smiling widely at Suga. "Even if not physically, you're a strong person overall." After a pause; "I could never compare…" barely over a whisper.

"Thank you… You know that you are really strong, too, right?" Suga said, taking a bite of his toast.

 "I'm not really, but thank you." Yamaguchi said taking a sip of his coffee.

 "You _are,_ though." Suga argued, smiling softly. Yamaguchi blushed lightly, looking down on his mug, but Suga kept smiling and eating his toast. Yamaguchi sipped his coffee slowly, not having the appetite to eat anything anymore. Suga looked at him quietly for a moment, before standing up and grabbing yams pills. "There you go, Yama."

"Thanks…" Yamaguchi said, swallowing the pills quickly and trying not to think about it much.

 "You’re always welcome." Suga said, sitting back down.

 "So..." Yamaguchi said resting his head on his hands looking up at Suga. Suga looked back at Yams in the same way.

 "So?" He parroted.

 "I don't know... I was thinking… I want to present you to my parents as my boyfriend, not just senior…" he mumbled. Suga looked at him, surprised.

 "Really?" He asked happily. "You would do that?"

"Yeah... I've been thinking about it for a while, and I want to do it." he said, flashing a shy smile. Suga smiled widely.

 "That really makes me happy!"

 "I don't know though... If they'd accept it..." He said sadly.

 "Oh…" Suga said hesitantly, but gave him a smile. "I'm sure it will be okay."

"I hope." Yamaguchi sighed hiding his face in his arms.

"Hey hey hey, it _will_ be okay." Suga said, standing up and going to Yams. "Your mom already likes you."

"Yeah, I'm not worried about her much..." Yamaguchi said, trailing off.

 "Your father…?" Suga asked tentatively. Yamaguchi made an affirmative noise, not removing his face from his arms.

"Is he… not okay with gay people?" Suga asked.

"I'm not sure… But he seems so..." Yamaguchi replied. Suga sighed.

 "We will find a way." Suga said firmly. Yamaguchi nodded an affirmative, closing his eyes, despite just waking up, he was feeling weirdly tired again. Suga kissed his head "C'mon, let's go to the couch." Yamaguchi nodded going with Suga and slumping down onto the cushiony seat. Suga sat with him and watched the clock, knowing his parents would be coming soon.

Yamaguchi rested his head on Suga’s lap, laying down further on the couch, closing his eyes again. Soon enough, Suga heard Yama’s parents’ car parking outside.

 "They're here." He informed. Yamaguchi opened his eyes and sat up a little too quickly, making him slightly dizzy immediately, as he felt the blood rush down from his head. Suga rubbed his backs again as he kissed his cheeks "It's gonna be okay," He manages to get in before Tadashi’s mother came in.

 "Tadashi?" She called.

"Welcome back mom, dad." Yamaguchi said with a smile, getting up, holding Suga's hand as his parents made their way into the living room. Suga stood up as well with a smile. Yama’s mom put her things down

"Oh, hello honey! Sugawara, what a pleasure to see you" she said, before giving yams a hug. Yamaguchi hugged his mother back tightly as his father greeted Suga, shaking his hand.

"Hello Sugawara-kun." He greeted stiffly.

"Hello" Suga politely said, before looking at Yams just as his mother spoke.

 "So, honey, we need to talk about your appointments!"

Yamaguchi nodded after greeting his father as well, standing back next to Suga.

 "But first..." He held Suga’s hand tightly, heart rate accelerating. "Mom, dad, I present to you, my boyfriend." He said with a slight nervous smile, before looking anxiously between his parents.

Yama’s mom looked surprised at first, but then she smiled awkwardly "O-oh! I-I'm really happy for you!" She said, trying to seem happy for them

"I didn't know... You liked boys, but I'm happy that you happy." Yamaguchi's father just had a look of disgust all over his face, directed more at Suga before looking back at Yamaguchi

"We'll talk later." He said, before stalking to his room. Yamaguchi glanced at Suga, squeezing his hand. Suga gave him a reassuring smile.

"It's alright, don't worry... He just needs to get used to the idea." He tried to comfort his love. Yamaguchi nodded, and looked back at his mother. She looked at both still with a little smile.

 "How long... Have you been together?" Yamaguchi looked at Suga with a little smile leaving him to answer.

 "3 Months." Suga said with a smile, and Yamaguchi’s mother nodded.

 "I see… But you know about Tadashi's condition?" she asked. Suga nodded.

"I know, and I'm here to help with whatever he needs.” He stated. Yamaguchi smiled at Suga before turning back to his mother.

 "He helped me while you were gone, and he's who made me think about treatment again.” Yama’s mother seemed surprised, but then quickly thanked Suga.

"Oh Sugawara, I'm so happy you convinced him!"

Aforementioned teen smiled. "He was the one who chose... I just helped a little." Yamaguchi smiled, before turning back to his mother.

"Appointments, huh?"

His mother chirped back happily. "I called your doctor. He said that we needed to go to the hospital and then do some exams, before starting the treatment again." she said with a smile.

"So... When shall we do that?" Yamaguchi asked, leaning against Suga slightly, still a bit dizzy.

"Tomorrow," she said with a smile. "And, of course, Sugawara-kun can come with us."

"Good..." Yamaguchi said with a smile, leaning against Suga as he got slightly off balance. Suga wrapped an arm around Yams and looked concernedly at him.

"Are you okay?"

"Just a bit... Off, you could say..."

 "Here." Suga said, sitting him on the couch giving him the glass of water he had left there earlier. Yamaguchi thanked Suga, and drank the water slowly, glancing at Suga and his mom with an apologetic smile.

"Do you need to lay down?" Suga asked, concerned.

"That'd be a good idea..." Yamaguchi said, laying down on the couch, closing his eyes.

"Did he take his meds?" Yams mom asked. Suga nodded. Yamaguchi didn't feel straight out dizzy anymore, but he felt very off, something wrong with his balance.

"We need to let him rest, then." His mother said, before leaving the room. Suga sat next to the boy.

"I'm sorry." Yamaguchi whispered.

"Hey, don't be." Suga said with a smile, as he petted Yama’s hair. Yamaguchi smiled slightly. He subconsciously slipped his hand into Suga's, the tipsiness not subsiding. Suga held onto his hand. He knew it was the effect of his meds, and that he needed to rest. After a while, Yamaguchi fell asleep while holding Suga’s hand. Suga stayed with him as he watched the TV, looking at Yama every now and then. Yamaguchi fell asleep for a few hours, feeling incredibly exhausted despite doing almost nothing before he slept. Suga was still awake watching movies and playing over his phone when Yamaguchi woke up a while later, but stayed staring at the ceiling not making a move.

When Suga looked at him and saw him with opened eyes, he smiled; "Are you alright?" Yamaguchi snapped out of his thoughts, smiling at Suga.

 "Yeah..." He confirmed softly.

"Wanna drink something? Or maybe eat?" Suga asked, kissing Yama’s knuckles. Yamaguchi shook his head no, sitting up slowly. Suga helped him, not wanting him to fall. He leaned onto him with a little smile. Suga kissed his forehead.

 "Are you feeling better, though?" He inquired.

 "Yeah, a little..." Yamaguchi said.

"Tell me if you need anything, okay?" Suga asked. Yamaguchi nodded, leaning on Suga's side. Suga hugged him, before looking at the screen again with an imperceptible frown.

"You know, it's okay if you don't come with metomorrow, I don't want you to skip school... Plus, you've been here all weekend." Yamaguchi murmured after a while. Suga looked down at Yams.

 "Of course I'll come. I can always come to classes during the morning."

"Wouldn't that just be a pain, though?" Yamaguchi asked, hiding his face in Suga's chest.

"Of course not," Suga said with a smile. "Besides, I said I would go with you." In reality, Yamaguchi _needed_ Suga with him, yet he didn't want him to see him at one of his weakest points, which he knew would happen the next day.

"Don't worry, alright?" Suga chirped obliviously with a little smile.

 "But I still will..." Yamaguchi said into Suga’s chest. Suga chuckled at bit.

 "Well, you don't need to, babe." he said, playing with Yama’s fingers.

"I feel so miserable and helpless there, Koushi..." Yamaguchi whispered into the elder’s chest. Suga sighed, and kissed the top of his head.

"I know… But I also know that it will get better... I have faith in you."

"I've come to accept it, but..." Yamaguchi trailed off.

"But…?" Suga added.

"I- Iwouldn'twantyoutoseemelikethatagain." Yamaguchi rushed, almost inaudible against Suga’s chest. Suga sighed, since he couldn't hear it.

"It's okay, I'll still love you." Yamaguchi just remained silent with his face in Suga’s chest, still unsure. Suga held him close

"If you’re scared of me leaving you, please don't be. Because I won't."

"What if you think of me differently? Realize how weak I am? How unworthy of you I am?" Yamaguchi said miserably into Suga’s chest. Suga bit at his lips, not wanting to cry in front of him.

"I love you Tadashi.. I could never think such things of you!"

"But what if you do...?" Yamaguchi repeated miserably.

"I promise you…" Suga said holding him tightly Yamaguchi just hugged him back tightly. Suga kissed his cheek, making sure he would understand. The younger boy smiled, but Suga sighed.

"Are you going to tell Tsukishima-san?"

"Yeah... I don't know how though." Yamaguchi sighed as well.

"It will come. Just talk to him normally." Suga said, looking at him. Yamaguchi nodded

"I can be with you, if you want." Suga proposed.

 "No, it's okay," Yamaguchi said quickly, and Suga nodded.

"Yeah, okay… You probably want to do it alone"

"That'd be better, I think."

"I'm sure it will be okay." Suga said with a smile.

 

"Dinner is ready!" Yamaguchi's mother called in a cheerful voice from the kitchen.

Suga stood up and stretched his hand out to Yamaguchi. "C'mon,  let's get some food, it really smells good"

"It does." Yamaguchi said standing up. Suga happily went to the kitchen, Yamaguchi following.

"The  food  smells wonderful!" He said and Yamaguchi's mother smiled.

 "Thank  you sugawara-kun! It's special, of course I made sure that Tadashi could eat it"

"Thank you" Yamaguchi smiled widely at his mom.

She smiled and sat down on the table, Suga following.

"Honey!" She called Yamaguchi's  father "Dinner  is ready!"

Yamaguchi's father came to the table as Yamaguchi sat down next to suga, throwing them a disgusted look.  Suga was a bit uncomfortable by it,  but managed to smile anyway.

Yama held suga's hand under the table as a sort of apology Looking down at his plate to avoid his father's eyes.Suga grabbed his hand back, giving it a little squeeze as his mother started to serve them.

Yamaguchi silently watched everyone eat, not finding the appetite himself. Suga started nibbling his food before looking at Yamaguchi.

 "Eat at least something. " He whispers.

Yamaguchi briefly shook his head no. His mom looked at him.

 "you know that not eating doesn't help Tadashi. Eat at least half of it" she said firmly but with care.

 "can't." Yamaguchi said quietly.

"Why not ?" His mother asked "You don't like it ? I can cook something else."

"No no! The food is great, I just don't feel like eating at all..." Yamaguchi replied quickly shaking his head.

  "That  doesn't help, not eating I mean." She said with a sigh.

 "It won't go well if I did..." Yamaguchi said glancing at suga.

He didn't want 'that' to happen again. Suga gave him a little smile, before his mother sighed "Alright  then."

Yamaguchi nodded and went back to watching everything silently. Suga quickly finished his food, and kept holding Yamaguchi's hand as his parents were eating in silence.  Yamaguchi rubbed his thumb over the back of suga's hand while waiting, the silence making him feel uncomfortable.

Soon enough Yamaguchi's mother was done.

 "Should I make you a sandwich dear?" she asked Yamaguchi with a smile.

 "No thanks... I'll eat later" he said with a smile even though he knew he probably won't do so.

His mother nodded and stood up starting to do the dishes in the sink. Yamaguchi looked over at his father, standing up, to excuse himself and suga.

 "no funny business..." Yamaguchi's father said coldly, taking Yamaguchi aback.

His mother started to become a little uncomfortable. She looked at them

 "Sugawara-kun, please can you take Tadashi to his room?" She asked and Suga nodded excusing himself and grabbing Yamaguchi's hand.

Yamaguchi went to his room with suga, both wanting to leave the uncomfortable atmosphere.

Yamaguchi's father then turned to his mother. "Are you happy about that?"  he spat coldly.

 Yamaguchi's mother looked up "the important thing is his happiness. He needs some happiness in his life."

"He can be happy without being a faggot!" Yamaguchi's father spat.

His mother snapped, eyes going wide "D-don't say those things please! He was so depressed and even abandoned the treatment and now he wants to do it again because of sugawara-kun"

"bet that boy is using your son... Never would I have thought he'd turn out like that" Yamaguchi's father said, voice filled with anger and disappointment.

 "W-why would he be using Tadashi ?" His mother asked not understanding it.

"Bet your son had that faggot's dick down his throat" Yamaguchi's father said with disgust.

His mother started to get extremely uncomfortable, as she stood up and started to wash the dishes again.

"You know it's not true! Tadashi's body is too weak to handle such things.." she said

"Tell that to that... with him" Yamaguchi's father spat."You know, I don't and never will accept my son to be gay! He has to choose between that boy of his or us. I'm just waiting for him to get his treatment and for him to finish school..."

His mother paused for some time. 

"Maybe.. It's just a fase. I mean, he has cancer and needs some love and support.. Maybe when it's all done he will get normal again "she said.

"let's hope it is... Otherwise it won't go well and you know it."Yamaguchi's father said in a warning tone.

She said nothing keeping the wash. The truth was that she accepted them but she didn't want to make her husband mad

Back in Yamaguchi's room, Yamaguchi sat in suga's arms with his face in his chest.

"You alright?" Suga asked as he ran his fingers through Yamaguchi's hair.

"See... They're probably fighting because of me now" Yamaguchi mumbled in suga's chest.

"Hey.." He said and kissed yamaguchi's head "It's normal they were just caught by surprise.. It will be okay "

"What if it isn't... He probably won't take it well" Yamaguchi said sadly, referring to his father.

"Then we will find a way. Like we always do" Suga said trying to comfort him.

Yamaguchi nodded, burying himself more into Suga as suga wrapped his arms around him.

"Just don't worry about it now okay? You need to focus on your treatment " Suga said softly.

"Okay.You'll be here...right??" Yamaguchi whispered.

"Always.."

 

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Please forgive.  
> I'm posting this at 6:10am while I need to get ready for school, pls appreciate


	4. Chapter 4

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Ultra angst

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Mediocrely edited by yours truly again.   
> I noticed a few mistakes but please forgive my dying self since I'm struggling with Lucifer's waterfall of doom and agony.   
> Anyway I suggest you get a box of tissues now, please enjoy. :D

Suga was more than nervous today. It was yamaguchi's first day treatment, and he just couldn't stop his nervousness. Yamaguchi had insisted on suga going back home because he needed to, so they decided to meet up in the morning to go to the hospital together. 

He was ready to go back to bed and curl up and avoid life the moment he woke up, but he knew it was his decision and he had to do it. 

Suga made sure to get ready quickly, before heading to the hospital. He wanted to be with Yamaguchi as he promised, because he knew it was important to him. 

Yamaguchi's mother drove him to the hospital, saying that Yamaguchi's father couldn't miss work. When they arrived they found Suga waiting for them in front of the hospital. Suga smiled as he saw Yamaguchi and his mother coming from the car. "C'mon honey," she said smiling at him. 

"Hey" Yamaguchi said with a smile hugging suga. 

“Hey..” Suga said hugging him back and kissing his forehead, making Yamaguchi blush lightly since his mother was right behind them. 

"So.. We're doing this? Or can I just turn around and run?" he said with a light chuckle.

Suga chuckled as well "Nah you're gonna do this, there's no way for you to escape now." he said and smiled, Yamaguchi's mother also smiling slightly at them both. 

"Dammit!" Yamaguchi said with a smile holding Suga's hand "Always ruining my plans, aren't you?" 

"Always " Suga smirked a bit "Get used to it, handsome.”

"Shush you" Yamaguchi said elbowing Suga lightly. He chuckled but grabbed Yamaguchi's hand as they walked inside the hospital, Yamaguchi's mother behind them. 

Yamaguchi's hand immediately tightened around Suga's as they walked inside. He hated that place and atmosphere. His mother went to the reception before walking through the hallway Suga following her with Yamaguchi. 

Yamaguchi rubbed his thumb over the back of Suga's hand, calming himself. This is nothing, he's been here befor.

"It's all okay" Suga whispered already sensing his nervousness. 

Yamaguchi nodded briefly as they entered a room, not looking up. His mother started to talk with a nurse before turning around. 

"C'mon Tadashi you need to make some tests first" she said with an encouraging smile. 

Yamaguchi squeezed Suga's hand before nodding at his mom and following her. Suga went with him and then stopped as they reached a door. 

"Yamaguchi-kun please follow me " the nurse said. 

Yamaguchi followed her, still unable to swallow his nerves back. Suga and his mother were obliged to stay outside. Yamaguchi followed the nurse nervously looking at the floor. 

"Sit here" the nurse said "We'll take some blood samples" 

Yamaguchi sat in the chair, extending his arm for the nurse.The nurse got the needle ready and sat down in front of Yamaguchi. He looked away as she put the needle in him, he wasn't scared of needles but he didn't like them either. 

"It'll be real quick" the nurse said taking enough blood before removing the needle.

"there you go" she smiled and Yamaguchi nodded at her thankfully.

"You can go back now and wait until we have the results " she said and smiled opening the door for. 

Yamaguchi nodded again before leaving the room. Going back to his mother and Suga. Suga smiled as soon as he saw him. 

"Hey, how was it?" he asked. 

"Not bad actually, but that isn't just it, is it?" Yamaguchi asked raising an eyebrow. His mother shook her head "No honey. Now we'll wait and then the doctor will update us on your state” 

"Does he require another MRI scan this time? Because if he does I'm really gonna go through with my plan of turning around and running."Yamaguchi said with a little groan.

His mother sighed "probably.. But until the results come we don't know.” 

Yamaguchi tch-d, leaning on suga slightly "Fun."he mumbled with a sigh. Suga wrapped his arms round him "It will be okay love. " Suga said and smiled trying to comfort him. 

"yea..." Yamaguchi said staying in suga's arms, looking over at his mother.

On second thought, he was glad his father didn't come with them. Yamaguchi's mother smiled and sat down. 

"So Tadashi , how long have you  been with sugawara?" 

"Well, he's my senior, but we've been dating for about 3 months." Yamaguchi said with a smile.

"Oh" she said surprised "Then it's been a while." she said with a smile. 

“And he's also the vice captain of the volleyball team.” Yamaguchi said smiling proudly. 

Suga rubbed the nape of his neck "Yeah, I am" 

Yamaguchi's mother smiled "I'm really happy for you "

"Thanks mom" Yamaguchi said with a genuine smile. "Also, everyone is gonna be worried why you didn't go to school today" He said to suga. 

"Don't worry about that" he said with a smile. "I told Daichi I had an appointment, so he is even going to get my homework". 

"That's good" Yamaguchi said with a smile, pulling him to sit down as they waited. 

"You too should tell tsuki so he could get you your homework " Suga said with a serious look. 

Yamaguchi nodded, getting out his phone. 'Hey tsukki! I have an important appointment today so I couldn't come to school, could you get me today's work please? c:' he texted Tsukishima before slipping his phone in his pocket leaning back, closing his eyes as they waited. Suga grabbed his hand waiting with him. It didn't take a lot of time until Tsukishima answered. ‘Sure.’ he simply texted back. 'thanks c:' Yamaguchi texted back. 

A nurse came to the waiting room, looking around till she saw Yamaguchi then left.

"There we go again..." Yamaguchi said with a sigh, eyes following the nurse? 

The nurse came back with a little smile "We have the results ready. Please follow me, the doctor want to see you"

Yamaguchi got up following her, shoulders slumped and hands in the pockets of his sweatshirt. Both his mother and Suga followed as well until they reached the doctors office.

"Please come in" the doctor said. 

Yamaguchi let his mother go in first, going in with Suga after her. They sat down. The doctor looked at his papers before looking up. at Yamaguchi. 

"I suppose you want to know about your state " 

"if you please.." Yamaguchi said raising an eyebrow, why else were they there?

'oh no, hello doctor, just catching up, how're the kids?' he thought suppressing a snicker. 

"As you may know, your cancer have been spreading more on your stomach. The last month that you didn't take care of yourself got things worse. I'm sorry to learn that. However it's not too late.” the doctor said. 

"yeah, could tell as much. So what can you do about it?" Yamaguchi asked suppressing a mocking tone. Suga looked at him a bit mockingly signaling for him to stop. 

The doctor sighed "You will start chemotherapy again, and this time a bit stronger, to make sure to stop the tumor’s growth. The medication will be strong as well. With a bit of luck we should be able to get you surgery after that and remove the tumor.”

"and when should we start? And how often will the chemotherapy be?" Yamaguchi asked in a flat tone to hide his nervousness.

"Tomorrow. I'll get you on the list. And it'll be three to four four times a week" the doctor said. 

"Well, we'll need to organize that because I have volleyball practice and a tournament coming up" Yamaguchi said. "Oh no no" the doctor said in a serious tone "No effort, no sport. It would only make you more tired. The chemo will be enough to drain all your energy " 

"Hell no." Yamaguchi said with an equally serious tone. 

"Yamaguchi.." Suga whispered looking at him with a sad look "please.." He said again before the doctor continued. 

"As I said, you can't. And even if you wanted that would be impossible " he said flatly. Yamaguchi shook his head biting his lip to control himself. 

"A strict regime needs to be done as well. I'll give you all you need. If everything goes right and the cancer gets under control we'll be able to remove it " the doctor continued. 

Yamaguchi stayed quiet holding suga's hand.

"We understand " his mother said with a little smile "We really apreciate your help." She said and the doctor noded. 

"Any questions ?"

"How long would that take? What would happen if we didn't do it?" Yamaguchi asked quietly. he knew the answer to the second question but asked it anyway. 

"And which type of therapy does he need to do ?" His mother asked too. 

"I don't know it all depends about how your body will respond, and if you don't, I will give you less than 5 years of life. It will be chemoradiation, which uses radiation therapy, along with chemotherapy and other medications as well" The doctor answered their questions. 

Yamaguchi nodded getting up, he was more than ready to leave.

"I'll be right back with all you need" the doctor said and stood up leaving the room . 

Suga sighed "you alright?" 

"no" Yamaguchi said simply, voice shaking. Suga stood up and hugged him tightly without a word. Just wanting to comfort him. 

"No, I won't do it suga..." Yamaguchi whispered holding back tears. 

"I know it's hard.. But you need to. You heard him.. You wouldn't last 5 years.." Suga said, holding him. 

"That's enough...." Yamaguchi said choking back a sob. 

"Don't say such things please !" Suga said not wanting to cry in front of him and his mother.

"It is though..." Yamaguchi said, breaking into tears in suga's arms.

Suga hugged him even more, burying his face in Yamaguchi's shoulder "I-it's not ! Please.. Please do it.. "

Yamaguchi just continued sobbing, shaking violently in suga's arms. His mother started crying silently as well, not wanting her son to give up.

"C-can we...leave?" he choked out between sobs. 

He didn't want this. Any of it. but what can he do? Before Suga could answer, the doctor came again 

"The medicines are here as well as the diet and the guide for chemo" he said holding a bag out for Yamaguchi's mother. 

"Thank you She said wiping her tears and grabbing the bag. 

Yamaguchi pulled suga's hand pulling him out of the room, not looking back at the doctor. Suga followed him not saying a word as he looked down. His mother took some time until she came out as well. 

Yamaguchi sat down with his face in his hands trying to calm down the storm of emotions in his chest at that moment. 

Suga stayed quiet, sitting down next to him looking down at his hands letting Yamaguchi calm down. 

"We can still make it to practice now, right?" Yamaguchi asked suga quietly. 

Suga sighed half annoyed half tired "You are not going to practice Yamaguchi." 

"Sugawara... I need to." Yamaguchi said taking his face out of his hands to look at suga. "This once.... Then" He swallowed hard "You can even make me quit the club" he said fighting back tears again. 

"Promise me then. Promise me that you will do the chemo, and you will get your treatment well." Suga said with a cold voice still not looking at him.

Yamaguchi was slightly taken aback by suga's tone. "That's why. I want to go this once, because I start tomorrow and I won't be able to again...and I want to tell them..." 

Suga noded quickly rubbing his face and standing up "let's go then.."

Yamaguchi got up as well, hugging his mother. "I'm sorry..." He whispered holding her tight as she hugged him back sniffing "it's okay honey, I understand that it's hard for you". 

"Thank you.." he said tightening his arms around her before pulling back.

"Uh.. I have to.. do this" he said looking towards suga who was waiting for him.

She nodded "Then go" she said with an encouraging smile, noticing how numb Suga's eyes were. Yamaguchi nodded going to suga. 

"Will you..let me join practice this once... And I'll tell them afterwards." Yamaguchi asked as they started walking to the school. 

Suga nodded "yes.. But don't push yourself." 

Yamaguchi nodded "Thank you..." He whispered looking at the ground. Suga nodded and kept looking down as he walked with Yamaguchi. 

"I'm sorry..." Yamaguchi whispered still looking at the cracks on the sidewalk.

"For what ?" Suga asked not looking at him. He knew why, but he wanted to hear it.

"For all this.." Yamaguchi said.

He hated the atmosphere between them right now and wished it'd just vanish, but he knew it wasn't that easy.Suga stayed silent for a few moment

"I understand that it's hard for you to accept it.. But telling me you rather die.." He said tears of frustration rolling down his cheek "That is just so selfish ". 

Yamaguchi looked up to find suga crying, the sight making him stop in his tracks.

"Koushi.." He whispered holding back tears himself. 

"What?" Suga asked stopping looking back at Yamaguchi.

Suga couldn't help it. Just the thought of Yamaguchi not wanting to fight and dying was enough to destroy him.

Yamaguchi silently came forward kissing suga softy, his tears slipping past his eyes silently as well. Suga kissed him back before letting his head fall on Yamaguchi's shoulder. 

"Please.. please don't die" he said with a sob.

Yamaguchi swallowed hard "as long as it's my choice... I won't. I was dumb earlier." he whispered.

Suga sighed again and nodded "Can we go ?" He asked drying his face. 

"Yeah" Yamaguchi said holding suga's hand tightly as they continued walking. 

Suga was trying to get into his happy confident normal state but it was hard as they finaly arrived school Yamaguchi squeezed suga's hand before letting it go as they reached the gym. 

"Suga-san!! Yamaguchi!!" Hinata yelled the moment he caught sight of suga and Yamaguchi.

Suga smiled at Hinata "Hinata! How's everyone?" He asked happily even if it was kinda of fake. 

"Hey Hinata." Yamaguchi said with a little smile even though he looked exhausted.

"I thought you wouldn't come today" Tsukishima said as he got closer looking up and down at yamaguchi.

"Yeah, I wasn't gonna, but I finished early so I thought I would at least come to practice." Yamaguchi replied rubbing the back of his neck. 

Tsukishima shot him a careful look before looking at Suga, starting to think something wasn't right. 

"Whatever" he said and went back to his training. 

Yamaguchi sensed Tsukishima's suspicion but tried to ignore it for now. He told suga and excused himself to go change into his gym clothes. Suga watched him go before walking to Daichi. 

"Daichi.. Excuse me but today I'm only going to watch today." he said and smiled hoping he wouldn't ask too much questions. 

Daichi looked at him questioningly for a moment "As you like. Is something wrong?" he asked worriedly. 

"N-no ! Of course not !" He said still with a smile "I'm just a bit tired "

"Okay then." Daichi let it go. He went back to the rest of the team, just as Yamaguchi came back to the gym, joining them and apologizing for being late.  

He was already exhausted from the day at the hospital but he was determined to play as if nothing happened. Suga stayed on the bench, with kyoko, although he didn't really talked to her. He just stayed there watching them play, his gaze focused on Yamaguchi.

Yamaguchi played throughout almost the entire practice despite being more out of breath, his movements sloppy as he tried to ignore the nagging feeling in his stomach as he played. Suga kept watching him, his instincts telling him to go and get Yamaguchi out right now. But he also didn't want to argue once again. 

As much as he hated it, soon enough Yamaguchi started getting dizzy, feeling like he's gonna feint at any moment. He told Daichi he was tired and excused himself to the bench. He sat down, leaning back with his eyes closed. Suga grabbed a bottle of water and gave it to him "I told you not to push yourself" Suga said trying to not sound too consending. 

"Thanks" Yamaguchi said taking the water and drinking slowly "I didn't. I'm just a bit tired" he smiled slightly at suga.

Suga nodded "I will walk you home" he said siting down again.

"Thank you, but first..." He trailed off looking at the rest of the team practicing.

"I know.. I'll call them" Suga said standing up "Oi! Everyone come here!". 

Yamaguchi swallowed the lump he felt starting to form in his throat as everyone gathered around them. 

Suga gulped "Y-yamaguchi.. Has something to say." 

Yamaguchi stood up, with his hands behind his back, looking at the floor to avoid everyone's gaze "This-this is my last practice with you.." Yamaguchi said willing his voice to not shake as much as he could. "Something... Came up, and I won't be able to continue playing volleyball..." He said quickly and quietly. 

"Uh? What came up?" Kageyama asked and Tsukishima looked at Yamaguchi with a serious stare. Yamaguchi felt the lump in his throat grow making him unable to speak. He glanced at Suga to help him. 

"He.. Yamaguchi has cancer.. Stomach cancer " Suga said looking at everyone. 

Yamaguchi looked down shamefully, trying to keep himself from shaking. What are they going to think of him now? Will they pity him?

Tsukishima looked angry at Yamaguchi for some reason, while the rest of the team looked at him not knowing what to say. Yamaguchi looked up at the team, avoiding tsukki's eyes. 

"I'll still visit though, don't think you got rid of me that easily." he said with a sad smile. 

"I'm really sorry " Asahi sai and rubbed his neck "We will always be here for you if you ever need anything ". 

"Thank you Asahi san." Yamaguchi said with a smile. "It was a pleasure playing with you all!" Yamaguchi said bowing to the team, biting his lip to hold back tears.

The team started to cry quietly before going and hugging Yamaguchi, everyone but Tsukishima. 

Yamaguchi hugged them all telling them that he's okay, he'll just get treatment and come back. 

Then he walked up to Tsukishima nervously. Tsukishima looked at him.

"Can we talk in private?" The tall blond asked. 

Yamaguchi nodded, both of them leaving the gym. Suga watched as they left, but didn't do anything. 

Once in a corner alone, Tsukishima looked at Yamaguchi "How long have you known about your cancer?" 

"About three months" Yamaguchi mumbled "I wasn't going to do anything about it so there was no point in telling anyone." he continued, avoiding Tsukishima's eyes. 

"Three months?!" Tsukishima asked angrily. "Three months?! And you're only telling me now? And what do you mean you weren't going to do anything about it?!" 

"I mean what I said. I wasn't going to do anything about it so there was no point in telling anyone and making them worry while I didn't care." Yamaguchi said looking at Tsukishima.

"Tch, so you were planning on dying?! You are such an idiot." 

"You could say that..." Yamaguchi mumbled. 

"Tsk" tsukki said frustrated "Why was Suga the only one to know?" 

"It showed while he was staying over... And I couldn't hide it from him long anyway, as my boyfriend he'd have to know..." Yamaguchi said flatly Tsukki looked at him eyes wide. 

"what ?" He asked not believing Yamaguchi's words "Your.. Boyfriend?" He asked in disgust. 

Yamaguchi nodded briefly. "I thought you knew… Everyone on the team does."

Tsukki looked on the other way with an annoyed look "You really are an idiot aren't you?!" He asked. 

"If you say so...but why?" Yamaguchi asked. 

"Nevermind. " he said bitterly "Hope you have fun with your 'boyfriend'." Tsukishima said and turned away starting to walk away from Yamaguchi.

"Don't just leave." Yamaguchi said coldly after Tsukishima. 

Tsukishima didn't answer and kept walking away until he disappeared. Yamaguchi just remained in his place. He didn't only just have to unwillingly quit the club, he also fucked up with his childhood best friend, like the fuck up he is. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> You're allowed to yell at me and kill me in the comments as much as you want. :D   
> Why do I make those poor birbs suffer??   
> Why am I like this??

**Author's Note:**

> Please feel free to kill me  
> Why did I do this??  
> Why am I like this? Satan ruined me.  
> But what do you think??  
> Feedback and kudos are very appreciated and make me happy :D


End file.
